my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I could fuck to npr.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
