I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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