one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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