I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
