i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I believe in your delicious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
