where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
