But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
