Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
