giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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