you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
