Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
