Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
