She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize