just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
