You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
