I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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