Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to calm my uterus...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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