1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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