so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There r osticjed everywhere
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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