I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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