did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she peed on how many people?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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