when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
