Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
