every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
