Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
