she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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