Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Houston, we have a blender
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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