It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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