i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
