Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
