you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
