so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
