paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
