I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Randomize
