Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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