69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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