nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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