it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
