I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
