Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
