went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
