I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
did i just pee glitter
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