ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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