He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
