So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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