last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm at about main and main street
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
