I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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