New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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