it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
