Will you blow on my dice?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Randomize
