I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
