Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
