State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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