dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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