Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
