so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
