last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
