You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
