It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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