so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
