I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
