I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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