he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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