Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
