i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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