Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
