Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
