She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
