I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
