at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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