Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize