he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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