Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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