I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
